Trent’s appetite seems to be coming back slowly. He still has energy in spirts and was alittle nauseated yesterday (due to the Bactrim – antibiotic). He will have to take some today too, so I am going to give him the Zofran before to try to alleviate the nausea.
Trent woke up today in very good spirits!! He woke up before anyone and proceeded to wake up Ariana. I layed in bed listening to them play, laugh, and yes argue. I found myself wishing that I could tape their conversations – the ones where they know they are not being taped. Ariana is so loving toward Trent sometimes – she cares so much about him – a little mommy. I love her so much – I worry about her ability to get through this.
Sometimes when I sleep next to Trent, he will throw his legs over the top of mine. I love it when we are laying on the couch and he puts the bottom of his feet to the bottom of my feet. I try to memorize the way his hands feel in mine…so small and yet very strong. I love him so much – he is my hero.
Clint is doing well – going to work – trying to stay so strong for us. He does break down…very angry and feeling trapped…wanting to do something…I know he holds alot of his feelings inside because he feels he needs to-for us-for him.
MARK 10:13,14
People were bringing little children to JESUS to have HIM touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When JESUS saw this, HE was indignant. HE said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of GOD belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of GOD like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
July 30, 2005 at 09:08 AM CDT
Now that Trent’s treatments are done, I find myself feeling lost. At least during his treatments, I felt like something was being done. Now I am just suppose to wait, watch, and worry about my baby. I need to write what I am feeling or I feel I will go crazy.
Over the past few days I have been reading the webpages of other children that have this type of tumor – some have earned their angel wings recently and others are like Trenton. After reading them I have concluded that all of the children affected by this terrible monster are very courageous, intelligent, and so special. All of them have touched their families and other lives in meaningful ways – with their laughter, smiles, and their overall wonderful personalities. I need to be more realistic about what may happen – what the future may hold for Trenton.
I have prayed to GOD with such a burdened heart – asking him to spare my son, let him live, heal the beast that lies in his little head. The Bible says “THE EFFECTIVE PRAYER FROM A RIGHTEOUS MAN CAN ACCOMPLISH MUCH”…I have made many bad choices in my life and I pray to GOD to forgive me so that I may become RIGHT with HIM…I need HIM to hear my prayers for Trenton!!! Again, I have started to cry more – I try not to in front of the kids. I need to let out the pain I am feeling in my heart. I pray and ask the HOLY SPIRIT to come into me to alleviate it, to help me get through this, and then I feel a calmness come over me. Thank you to GOD for helping me.
I worry about Clint and how he is processing all of this. It is hard for us to talk about the future. Sometimes we just sit in silence – knowing what the other is thinking, but not wanting to say it…Why Trenton? This all seems like a nightmare we cannot wake from…Do we go on living life as if nothing is going to happen? Trent makes us smile and when we see him happy-we are so thrilled. The beast in his head is silent and can sneek up and show itself at any time…Please help us PRAY for the tumor to stay silent!!!
Ariana is doing very well. She knows that Trenton has a tumor and that he could get very sick. I told her that if she ever wanted to know about Trenton and his illness, to ask us. So far, she has not. But I do ask her every now and then if she has any questions and she says NO.
I will go back to work on Monday, August 1st. This will be hard for me because I worry so much about everything. Trenton is doing OK..he was sick on Wednesday night and all day Thursday. I have been trying to get him to eat – eat ANYTHING!!! He finally gives in and trys, but the quantity is still not up to were I want it to be. I am so affraid he will lose more weight – and his energy is low…not my Trenton at all. Yesterday, he did eat breakfast and then proceeded to run through the kitchen into the frontroom and then through the office back into the kitchen again – NOW THIS IS THE TRENTON I KNOW!!! But his energy proceeded to decline soon after. Denise and I took the kids to Brookfield Zoo anyway and Trenton purked up while we were there. But he could not hold down dinner last night and ended up going to bed with a can of pop and 1 slice of toast for a meal. Nurse Kelly says this is normal and should ease up in a couple of days.
Clint and I have decided to create a webpage for Trenton. We are working on getting someone to host it for us. We will let you know when it is complete.
Sharing Hope for Trent and Faith in GOD,
Donna
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