Trent’s Trek

Ask My Mom How She Is

My Mom, she tells a lot of lies
she never did before.
From now until she dies,
she’ll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom how she is
and because she can’t explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can’t describe the pain.
Ask my Mom how is she,
She’ll say “I’m alright.”
If that’s the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mom how is she,
she seems to cope so well.
She didn’t have a choice you see
nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom how she is,
“I’m fine, I’m well, I’m coping.”
For Gods sake Mom, just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken.
She’ll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how is she
she’ll lie and say she’s fine.
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don’t listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
we’ll smile and I’ll be bold.
I’ll say, “You’re lucky to get in here, Mom
with all the lies you told!”
-unknown

I found this poem on another beautiful child’s website - Leah - who passed also from this tumor….I feel that it fits with how I am feeling. Sometimes I feel so lost in the grief….and other times I feel so much love for Ariana that it pulls me through. Today I had to cry and scream his name…telling him that I am sorry for not being able to help him….telling him that I wanted to take it on myself….telling him I would have come with him if I could have. Trenie told me he did not want to go without me….it broke my heart to tell him that everyone goes when it is their time….and that it will be mommy’s turn when GOD decides. As you can tell, I am having a hard time right now. Work, Ariana, and home all keep me busy….but I need to grieve in order to live….and the pain in my heart - I drag it, carry it - everywhere I go, even though it may not show. The only thing that gets me through is my conversations with Jesus….asking for help with this pain….peace to sleep….guidance to be a good wife and mom inspite of it all….thanking HIM for his grace and mercy….thanking HIM for all of the blessings in my life.

I needed to write what I am feeling….I MISS TRENTON SO MUCH!!!

In more upbeat news….Ariana had her first gymnastics competition on Sunday….she was so GREAT!! She received a 1st place metal on beam and she was so excited (we were too…but would have been even if she did not place). She just needs to get her round-off back hand spring and her floor routine will be complete. Ariana’s grades are very good, and we have not noticed any major changes since Trenton passed. We are keeping a watchful eye on her for any signs of problems. Clint has his moments…and I will let him expound upon these as he wishes….as they are his emotions and may want to keep them to himself. Everyone grieves differently. Thank you for checking in on us….

Donna

This entry was posted on Monday, October 23rd, 2006 @ 11:02 am on the category Trent's Update. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.